I have been doing for the past days a documentary about street kids in the Singida town in Tanzania .it is my first documentary, poor quality, poor equipment…u name it! Despite those unfortunate circumstances, i have learned for the past days the importance of decision making.
After interviewing few of them, i got to realize that it was “their” choices to be on the streets. Not all of them of course, but few of them.
Rama: “ I was born in Mwanza, soon after my father died and my mother got another man. That man was beating me everyday, my mother didn’t help me in any way, she was too busy drinking and satisfying her new man. I could stay days or weeks without eating and she did not bothered. The neighbors used to give me some food from time to time but my father in law persuaded them to stop. So i became friends with some streets kids and i decided to live in the streets. It has been 5 years now and i am 16 years old“.
Kay: ” After my parents died, i stayed at my uncle place. unfortunately my aunt was not happy about me staying there. She mistreated me a lot. Sometimes i slept on the floor for weeks, sometimes i could starved for days, sometimes she forbidden me to take a shower for days. i left one morning because i could not take it anymore and i have been living on the streets for 7 years, i feel better without them”
Those are just two stories among others, but they have touched me in a type of way i cannot explain. Because i saw the power of decision making. I felt it in my guts!!! How many times did i find myself powerless but just remaining in the bad situation i was in? How many times did i mentally got abused and couldn’t leave? How many times did i not have the strength to say enough is enough? I am somehow an adult right now, but i realized that i am weak when i needed to take the right decision at the right time.
They have seen no future in their family, no life, no happiness and THEY took the decision to leave. Because their families didn’t believe in them, because their family have given up on them, because they felt abandoned by their own….by the world. Sometimes we stayed in a relationship because we are afraid of staying alone, we still believe in our partner, we still hope things will get better, but we end up fading up and fading up away. No matter how much u might love your spouse, your family, it is better sometimes to make harsh decision and walk away.
I, myself, has been in a relationship in which i got mentally abused, i had no job, no money , nobody to help me. My partner was mentally abusing me because i was wretched. But i stayed in a relationship because i loved my partner, not because i needed him. Kay said: ” i loved my uncle but i did not need him, after all these years of suffering, i found a way to feed myself and to take care of myself. but i left because of he gave up on me. ” . The worse feeling is when somebody you care about gives up on you. but you still hold on to that person, to that feeling, to what brought you together. However, you start feeling more and more miserable, more sad and depressed. Because you cannot even talk to that person or those people about your feeling, they will just not understand you and judge you.
Those children have had the guts to leave the only home they have ever had, in other to be happy and to find a better home, in which they will be understood, loved, even if it is on the streets. Who are we to judge them? How come adults that we are could not find the strength to use the power of decision making? How come a woman who is beating to death everyday by her husband still remain in the matrimonial home?
Maybe we need the strength and advice from those children to learn how to make decision. Maybe we need those 3 feeling factors to learn how to make decision.
Watch out about someone who feels lonely, desperate and miserable, those are very dangerous combinations but powerful decision making factors.